


My Heart Still Beats for You

by Renxzs



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gamora/Peter Quill - Freeform, Heartache, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Love, Peter & Gamora, Peter & Nebula, Peter and Gamora, Post-Endgame, Resurrection, Starmora, True Love, i need them to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 08:34:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18807550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renxzs/pseuds/Renxzs
Summary: Living in a universe with her gone felt impossible. Peter was unsure of the number of days he could continue to wake up without her, to not start his mornings with her face and gentle kisses, to never feel her touch, to hear her voice, to see that indulgent smile spread across her lips as she rolled her eyes at him… The light she filled him with left the moment she did.





	My Heart Still Beats for You

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to check out my little story. This is the first piece I have ever written for GotG. I absolutely adore Peter and Gamora. I really tried my best to do the characters justice. Hopefully you all will like it!
> 
> Warnings: Some spoilers for Endgame but not canon-compliant
> 
> Inspired by the song My Heart Still Beats for You by Anna Ternheim.

_“I love you, more than anything.”_

Peter’s chest swelled painfully. A feeling all too familiar at this point. Tears pricked his eyes, astonished he still had any left to cry. Though he was not physically hurt, everything ached. Every piece of his heart was shattered, his limbs heavy, weighed down with heartache. This was the greatest loss he has endured.

He didn’t think it was possible to feel worse than he did in that moment years ago, watching his mother struggle for her last breath. Only a child, he turned away from her outstretched hand. The regret of denying her that last warm touch, that reassurance he would be okay...eventually, was always tucked away at the back of his mind. He didn’t dare to venture to it often, allowing his body to be overcome with sorrow, pain, loss, regret. 

He didn’t think it was possible to feel worse than he did in that moment. To feel a greater loss than _that_ \- especially once he had learned the truth behind his mother’s death. 

But he had _her_. Gamora.

Peter’s heart clenched. It was not until many years after the passing of his mother that Gamora came into his life, but the moment she entered it was brighter. The weight of his guilt and sorrow slowly began to lift. She alleviated his pain so easily, not even fully aware she was doing it, he was sure. She was just simply being. 

Peter had crumbled to a thousand pieces after learning his _father_ was responsible for singlehandedly poisoning the life of the pure-hearted woman who was his mother, taking her from him forever. But Gamora was there. She was there to pick up the pieces, to mend his shattered heart. Caring touches, soothing words, always eager to listen no matter the number of times he repeated a story about his mother - she never left his side. 

At the time, Peter had felt as if he were losing his mother all over again, but Gamora was there.

_“I love you, too.”_

Peter’s knees buckled and he fell to the cool floor of his- _their_ room. A sob forcefully racked up out of his chest. His knuckles whitened, grasping on to the edge of the mattress in front of him. Gasping wildly, he frantically tried to seek relief from the pain, _so_ _heavy_ , in his chest. Heartache was suffocating. Heartache over-sensitized the worst feelings and numbed all the rest. Peter loosened his grip and settled to the floor.

This - _this_ \- would be his greatest loss. How he was still managing to live through it, he had no idea.

 _I wish I would have stayed gone_ , Peter thought selfishly. 

Sure, his team needed him - they all needed each other. Especially now. But living in a universe with her gone felt impossible. Peter was unsure of the number of days he could continue to wake up without her, to not start his mornings with her face and gentle kisses, to never feel her touch, to hear her voice, to see that indulgent smile spread across her lips as she rolled her eyes at him… The light she filled him with left the moment she did.

Peter laid on his side, the steel-colored floor cool against his skin. He slowly brought his knees up to his chest, this now a familiar position. His arms strained as he wrapped them tightly around himself, desperately seeking the sensation of her arms coiling around him. Holding him, protecting him from a cruel destiny - fated to experience great loss over and over and _over_ again. This was familiar; his new norm; not yet able to bring himself to sleep in _their_ bed since… since Thanos-- a hot tear slipped from his eye and rolled down his nose. …since his world had been ripped apart from its very core.

Her smile snaked its way into Peter’s mind. _Her lithe frame leaned against the pale grey stone. He was entranced momentarily as he watched her lips curve around the fruit she was eating, her dark eyes trained on him. The sunlight hit her perfectly - green skin illuminated, the maroon ends of her long hair fiery, drawing him in. His heart pounded -_ wow _. The most beautiful specimen he had ever laid his eyes on just casually standing in front of him. Instantly, he_ knew _he wanted her._ Not long after that first encounter, Peter no longer just wanted Gamora – he _needed_ her.

Exhaustion swept over him. _Finally_ . Peter welcomed sleep - an escape from his thoughts and pain. For a short while he could stop feeling so utterly alone. Maybe she would be there tonight with him in his dreams, if they could even be called that anymore. Eyes grew heavier with each passing minute. Tears rolled silently, the bedroom now quiet. The _Benatar_ \- normally overflowing with chatter, laughter, jokes, passion-fueled arguments, and _color_ from its inhabitants; a _home_ to a family of misfits who found love and support within one another. Now the _Benatar_ was drained of everything that gave it color, sullen and quiet. 

Each of the team members were suffering from heartache; Gamora was far more than a teammate or friend. She was family. Rocket had five years to mourn the loss of his family; to come to terms with the ‘new’ reality at the time. However, with the recent return of the Guardians after reversing the snap, Gamora’s loss was still fresh to those who had ashed. Rocket knew the importance of moving forward - _“It’s what she’d want,”_ he would say. But Peter shrank away from any form of consolation his teammates tried to offer. Rocket would just drop his head with a shake, unable to watch his friend continue to become a shell of himself.

Peter hummed as he dipped in and out of consciousness, listening to the thumps of his heart resonate in his ears. A broken version of her name slipped from his lips as his eyes slowly closed. She was the love of his life – what made his world spin around – the breath in his lungs. And god did he miss her desperately.

 _“Peter…” His heart came alive at the sound of her voice, just as sweet and smooth as ever._ A faint, watery smile ghosted Peter’s lips as sleep thrummed through his body. _Finally_. 

***

“Quill. _Quill_ -” Peter’s body was shaken aggressively. “Wake up.” 

He mumbled incoherently; the only comprehendible word was “Gamora.” Peter heavily swatted at the disturbance. He just wanted to be left alone, left with _her_. He hadn’t been himself lately, Peter knew. Hell, he probably never would be again. But he didn’t ask much of his crew - just to be left alone. To mourn in peace; to dream of her uninterrupted. 

An aggravated sigh filled the room. “Get up you _idiot_.” Peter was jerked up from the ground, straight out of his sleep. His face initially reflected shock, but quickly turned to irritation, then devastation.

“What the _hell_ , Nebula!” He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes and groaned as he hunched forward, “God- I had her. I _had_ her!” He sunk to his knees, “I had her…” voice now weaker. 

Nebula’s lip curled and she watched him with disdain. He was a wreck, no different from the last time she saw him two weeks prior. 

“Quill-” Her words halted as he peered up at her. He looked more fragile than usual. Skin sickly pale and dark, sunken eyes. They were bloodshot and swollen. So fragile-- _weak._ Her jaw ticked as her eyes roamed his worn features. Nebula was genuinely surprised he had not shattered under her grasp. Her demeanor slightly softened – _slightly_. She pitied the man, but all the sulking and mourning weren’t what was going to bring her sister back. 

The Guardians searched high and low for ways to get Gamora back immediately after the ashed had returned. Their attempt to bargain with Red Skull proved useless, as did begging - and threatening. He had no solution to offer. They stumbled upon two different theories over a span of several weeks to try in hopes to resurrect Gamora, both which were unsuccessful. 

Peter came unhinged after the second failed attempt. 

Nebula was unwilling to have her search for a solution impeded, so she continued without him. Dare she admit it, she missed her sister, too. But the heartache did not break her as it did the others, as it broke Peter. No, it only motivated her further to find a way to resurrect her sister. She would scour the entire galaxy if she had to. 

“Come. I believe I know how to get Gamora back.” Nebula reached out her hand. 

Peter turned away despite the lurch of his heart, “I can’t. I can’t go through it again.” He stared blankly and shook his head. “I don’t think-- I won’t survive it this time… get’n my hopes up just to get crushed again.”

Nebula paused a moment, her black eyes fleeted over his pitiful form. She worked to control her response, to acknowledge that though he was an idiot, he was an idiot who was helplessly in love with her sister. Her now _dead_ sister. 

“ _Come_.” She extended her arm further. Peter hung his head. “What if it works? What if it works and you are not there for her?” 

They both remained in their respective places, stillness settled upon them. The _Benatar_ was silent, as if the rest of the team were anxiously awaiting his answer just outside the door.

Peter grabbed Nebula’s arm and she pulled him up from the floor.

***

“Where’d ya get this idea from again?” Rocket asked incredulously.

Nebula did not lift her eyes from the bottom of the cliff as she mumbled a response, “His name was Adam.” 

“Sounds promising…” 

Peter tuned out the group. _This is taking too long…_ His heart sank, as if it could possibly feel any lower. This was the last time. He couldn’t return to this frigid clifftop again. He flicked his eyes back over the edge of the cliff - _so far down_. Sourness formed in the pit of his stomach at the thought of her lifeless body at the bottom, the bloodcurdling screams that must have escaped her lips… he crammed his eyes shut.

Peter turned away from the cliff’s edge and tears began to blur his vision. He felt sick- _where is she?_ He faintly heard his friends exchanging anxious words in the background; each of their hopes beginning  to wane, as well. Despite the cool air, Peter’s face was hot. He suddenly felt trapped in the beloved red leather jacket he wore without fail. His heartbeat quickened, thumping louder and louder. Both Groot and Mantis shrieked as the ground beneath them began to quake. Dark clouds rolled above them. 

“Come on, baby-- come back to me,” Peter barely whispered. 

Dark strands danced in the wind. He swore his heart stopped. The figure was just far enough away to make out clearly. His feet carried him forward, desperate for it to be her.

Green hands roamed her body in bewilderment, unable to believe she was physically there. At the sound of his boots, she looked up - their eyes locked. Peter inhaled sharply, feeling light and life flood back into his body along with her.

She _is_ the love of his life – what _makes_ his world spin around - the breath in his lungs.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://renxzs.tumblr.com)!


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